Nahuhulog (Grazilda OST)

Twing titigan mo, Parang natutunaw ako
Hindi mapakali, Nanlalamig pag na sa yong tabi
Ngunit twing kausap ka, wala naming nasasabi
Nauutal parang sinasakal biglang napipi

Hindi normal sa akin ang gan’to, Ngunit ang nadarama’y gusto
Hindi ko alam ano ba’to, Tila nahuhulog sa yo
Bakit lumulukso ang puso ko kapag nar’yan ka na
Hindi ko alam kung bakit ba lagi na lang mayrong kaba
Sa twing kausap kay nanginginig ang tawag nga ba rito’y pag-ibig

Twing nakikita ka, ang mundo koy umiiba
Gumagaan, gumaganda, biglang sumasaya
Ngunit twing kausap ka, wala namang nasasabi
Nauutal parang sinasakal biglang napipi

Hindi normal sa akin ang gan’to, Ngunit ang nadarama’y gusto
Hindi ko alam ano ba’to, Tila nahuhulog sa yo
Bakit lumulukso ang puso ko kapag nar’yan ka na
Hindi ko alam kung bakit ba lagi na lang mayrong kaba
Sa twing kausap ka’y nanginginig ang tawag nga ba rito’y pag-ibig

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ba lagi na lang mayrong kaba
Sa twing kausap ka’y nanginginig ang tawag nga ba rito ay pag-ibig

___________________________________________________

The above is the lyrics of the Grazilda OST Nahuhulog.

Below is my personal audio-video mix for Grazilda....for her famous line:
"Kay Laking Tasa"

Kape

(Inspired by a coffee commercial)

Minsan nakakatamad imulat ang aking mga mata.
Minsan nakakawalang ganang kumilos ang ihip ng hangin sa umaga.
Minsan nakakapanghina ang bukangliwayway-
na tagahatid ng mensahe ng araw na matalinghaga.

Ngunit sa tuwing naalala ko ang mga matang naghihintay ng aking ngiti;
Mga tenga nilang umaasang may bago na naming marinig;
Mga puso nilang muli’t muli’y may pananabik;
At mga isip nilang naglalakbay at nawiwili –

Sa maaari nilang matutunan sa bawat araw;
Sa mga aral ng buhay na kelangan ng tanglaw;
Sa mga malilikha nilang mundong balisawsaw;
At mga bagay na tunog bago at umaalingawngaw.

Kaya pilit kong nililisan ang aking higaan;
Inaayos ang aking sarili at katawan;
Ibinabalik ko sa aking katinuan ang aking kamalayan;
At inihahanda sa isang na namang pakikipaglaban.

Dahil alam kong may naghihintay sa akin;
Alam kong may umaasang mapansin;
Mga estudyante kong bagamat madalas ay pasaway;
Ngunit inspirasyon ang sa aki’y kanilang bigay.

Sila ang dahilan kung bakit ang araw koy masaya;
Kung bakit ang puso ko’y may sigla;
Kung bakit ang isip ko’y may halina;
At ang araw ko’y isang biyaya.

Para sa isang tulad kong guro, kaligayahan na ang makita ko-
Mga estudyante kong unti-unting natuto;
Sa mga araling itinakda sa araw na ito;
At sa mga aral ng buhay na magulo.

Ako, sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos;
Ninanais kong bumangon at kumilos;
Ikaw, bumabangon ka ba para kanino?
Oh ano, ikaw naman ang magkwento…

THE WORLD’S GREATEST JINX

Today, I have a very wonderful day; a day full of challenges, full of life, full of colors and full of sweats too. Let me start it with the text message that I received from my sister while I was taking a jeepney going to my workplace. It says that I need to drop by a medical laboratory clinic to get the receipt my mother had for the x-ray film to retrieve after 1 o’clock in the afternoon. It was yet quarter to ten and my mother doesn’t want to wait that long hours. In other words, I have to fetch the film later that day before I go home.
The day was good for me that time. And everything seemed to be fine. When I reached my workplace after thirty minutes from that laboratory clinic, I went straight to the school library to look for the statistics book that I’ll be using as reference in interpreting the exercises that my friend needs in her masters studies. I’ve been working on this for almost a week now. It was not that hard but it wasn’t easy too. Then it was also complicates with another exercises my other was trying to ask help from me on her field study subject. So, I am mixing two tasks at a time and they want to get over with this on the same due date.
Good for them because they have me to help with their assigned tasks. (Nagreklamo ba?, hehehe) But another complication that spoils my work is the fact that I am there at school on duty for the enrollment. So when twelve noon came, I have to take over the enrollment table for the one assigned needs to take her lunch. I have to keep my other chores and do my job. Things went easy and time flies fast that it made me forget to fetch my mother’s x-ray film supposed to be taken at one thirty in the afternoon. It was four-thirty in the afternoon already and I was in apprehension to fail to get it. Optimistic enough, I left my post and rushed to the lab clinic that will take me a thirty minute ride. Lucky I am to get there almost twenty five minutes only but unfortunate enough to know that the lab closes at four.
After a shrug of shoulders from the janitor’s statement to get back the next day, I went back to the city proper to pay my credit card bills. When I arrived at a department store’s payment section, the line of people to pay is more than my bill. So I decided to change my payment venue. It will be on a late afternoon bank. When I get there, I look for the payment form, but I couldn’t find one. So, I approached the security personnel and gladly he told me that the bank is running out of payment forms for that day.
So I just give another shrug of shoulders and went my way out. Unlucky, but I was happy. I was happy to know that despite those series of unfortunate events, I proved that I am the world’s greatest JINX.

Births and Deaths

Yesterday, i was invited by one of my students, Tina, to attend her 21st birthday celebration. It was supposed to be an afternoon gathering but they still have the examinations that afternoon. But as scheduled on my part, I went to their place at four.

I was welcomed by her father when I arrived in their place. While waiting for some company to arrive, I could hear songs of lament from the nearby church. Not long enough when I saw people coming out of the church following the funeral car. Most of them wears white, some are black, while some wear their own colors. While some are obviously sobbing, some can afford to smile and have the appetite to do chatting with other people on their side.

How pity it is to see people lament for the passing of their love ones. But how pity they are because like me, they will continue to struggle with life's unfairness. How sad that the dead's gonna leave his family; on the other hand, he is now at peace with his creator.

Then I suddenly realized that people come, people go. There are some who are coming and there are those who are leaving. That day, it was Tina's return of the day; a celebration of life. That same day, one unknown person to me leaves the earth. Many will come to enjoy with Tina. Many bereaved for their lost love one.

Then I remembered these two things. No one remembers my birthday; will there be anyone who can remember to bring me to my final resting place on earth?

Life is a Joke

Two days ago, at around five in the afternoon, I took of the jeepney packing myself up. Trying to get some composure, I walked heading my way to my half – kilometer far home. I caught the passengers on board the jeepney’s attention because of my stride under million drops of rain. Ashamed, I just give them a shrug of shoulders.

What should I do?

When the jeepney were nowhere to be seen, I find myself tree sheds. There, I paused for a while and thought. Life is a joke. The day before that, I brought an umbrella with me. But the beautiful sun shines bright as my smile. But that day, I didn’t brought the umbrella and the rain fell hard…

Prodigal

Nagtex sa akin ang isa sa mga paborito kong anak. Sabi niya, Have you prayed for me? I'm dead. Sagot ko sa kanya, "Ha? Bakit buhay ka pa ba?Kala ko matagal ka nang patay."Sabi niya sa akin, serious ako.

Nashock ako sabay hinimatay... Serious siya? Kelan pa? Pero kung ganun, something is wrong sa kanya. Sabagay, wala namang right sa kanya eh.

Simple lang naman ang problema niya. .. Winaldas lang naman niya ang perang pangtuition fee niya sana. O di ba bongga? Ulitin ko. WINALDAS LANG NAMAN NIYA ANG PANGTUITION FEE NIYA. ULI. AS IN GINAWA NIYA ULI. Sa maraming pagkakataon na niyang ginawa iyon.

At ang pinaka major major serious problem niya, hindi siya padadalhan ng tiyahin niya ng perang pang-allowance pag hindi niya maipakita ang resibo ng midterm fee niya.

In otherwords, kasing haba ng legs ni Venus Raj ang listahan ng problema niya. Kasing konti ng buhok ni Noynoy ang chance niyang makapag-aral pa. At kasing sabog ni Kris ang buhay niya.
Kung ikaw ang tiyahin niya magtitiwala ka pa ba sa isang tulad niya? ISang tulad niyang nagtwo sems ng nursing sa cpu, 1 sem sa ama, two years sa abe at ngayon naman ay usa...

Ay naku, ang sarap niyang ilagay sa isang bus at ipahostage kay Rolando Mendoza. At kung hindi man ay ipakilala sa amo ng isang pinay ofw na pinalantsa ang kamay.

Selpon

Kahapon, nagbrownout sa kalagitnaan ng klase ko. E di maganda. Masaya. Tigil na naman ang klase. Well, araw-araw namang ganun eh... Kaya nagdisisyon na lang kami ng studyante ko na magliwaliw sandali sa malapit na mall. Tumingin-tingin at naglakad-lakad. Napadpad kami sa isang cell phone shop.

May isang unit na tumawag ng aking pansin. Ganda. Hanep sa porma. At higit sa lahat Chinang - China. E ano naman ngayon? Napaisip ako bigla. Bibilhin ko ba? Then tinanong ko ang sarili ko, may pera ba ako? In fairness, meron naman. Ang tanong uli, sapat ba para kumpara sa presyo? Oo naman.

Kaya lang pagbinili ko ang cell phone na iyon, wala nang matitira sa akin sa panggastos sa susunod na mga araw.

Sabi nila, pag may isang bagay kang gusto, go for it and get it! Hindi ka dapat umatras or else you'll end up loosing the game. Pero sabi din nila dapat magdahan-dahan. Kahit anong gawin mo, kung hindi para sa 'yo, hindi talaga magiging iyo.

In short wag mong ipilit ang mga bagay na hindi dapat... dahil masisira lang...

Parang pag-ibig... wala nang dahilan pa para ipaglaban ang isang taong gusto nang makawala. Pareho niyo lang sinasaktan ang mga sarili ninyo...

Gutom

Ngayong araw na ito pakiramdam ko paan ko ang buong daigdig. Marami naman akong naachieve na maganda sa buhay ko. Nagising ako alas kwatro ng umaga ng walang alarm. Hindi ako nalate sa sa 7:30 class ko. Wala akong inaway na taxi driver. Kumain ako ng maayos. Naiprint ko ang proposal letter ko for the training na ako ang lecturer. In short. maayos ang buhay ko. Ngunit parang may kulang.

Naalala ko brthday pala ng tatay ko ngayon. Kaya bumili ako ng cake. Pero parang may kulang pa rin. Naghahanap ng mais ang sikmura ko. Pero ng madaanan ko ang tindahan ng mais wala naman akong ganang bumili. Nagugutom ako pero hindi ko alam kong ano ang gusto kong kainin.

Ganun siguro talaga ang pakiramdam kung hindi tiyan mo ang nagugutom kundi ang puso. Naghahanap ka ng magsasatisfy nito. Ngunit pagnakita mo na saka ka naman magdududa... mag-aalinlangan...at maghahanap ka uli...at sa muli ganun pa rin ang mangyayari... paulit-ulit... pabalik-balik...

Saka ka magtatanong uli sa sarili mo... meron ba ankong hinahanap? kelan ko ba siya pwedeng makita?

Nakakagutom mag-isip. Nakakagutom magdamdam.Nakakagutom maghanap ng walang katiyakan...

Ngiting Walang Sigla

Maghihintay ka ba ng apat na oras kahit alam mong hindi siya darating?
Aasa ka bang darating siya kahit alam mong imposible?
Kahit pa imposible ay paniniwalain mo ba ang iyong sarili sa isang kasinungalingan?
Kahit alam mong kasinungalingan, magiging tapat ka pa rin ba?

Mahirap ang maghintay sa wala,
Nakakabagot mag - isip na wala ka namang iniisip;
Nakakainis kilalanin ang isang taong walang mukha,
At nakakabaliw maghintay sa mga text.

Maniniwala ka ba sa isang mensahe lang?
Kahit alam mong maaring ito'y linyang pantanghal?
Aakuin mo bang maging tanga-tangahan?
Kahit alam mong maaring ikaw ay pinaglalaruan?


Ngunit paano kung sa kabilang banda lahat ay totoo,
Mga mensahey nanggagaling sa kanyang puso;
Mas pipiliin mo bang magduda na lamang?
At ang importanteng tao ikaw ay mawalan.

Hindi na baleng maghintay sa wala,
Kung itong disisyon ay dapat at tama;
Mabuti pang kahit kapiranggot ay umasa,
Kesa maniwala sa haka haka at ikulong ang sarili sa walang hanggang pagdududa.

The Bubbly Instructor

“Pursuit of HappYness--Character reaction

This is the Reaction Paper I pass to my bubbly instructor in Computer Subject.. well, bubbly because he likes and loves to bubble.. hahaha.. intentionally and accidentally.. hahahaha... Peace to you Sir!... Even bubbly, he is a good conversationalist also.. hehehe... I don't want to make pa sip sip.. (it's not my attitude) but I like the way he is.. maybe because I've been surrounded by more civilised people JOKE! maybe because people around me at home are more serious..!
Thanks to that Sir also coz he made me become a blog maker! toinkzzz.. he told me that he likes the reaction paper and he gave it PERFECT! as a grade... Here.. read it and e the judge, just feel free to comment of it's not good for you.. (I dont care though) hahahaha,,,, peace!!!!”

The above article clip isn’t my write up. It’s taken from one of the articles of one of my students who happens to be my one and only follower up to this time. I highlighted the phrase BUBBLY INSTRUCTOR not because of anything else but because I wanted to know if the adjective “bubbly” really fits me not only in the context of the above article but in any context for that matter.

According to Yahoo Education Dictionary (http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/bubbly), the word “bubbly” comes indifferent meaning depending on its usage. Definition number (1) says, the adjective “bubbly” means “full of or producing bubbles” as it is used in “a bubbly drink” or “ a bubbly soap”.

My student describe me in this way: “well, bubbly because he likes and loves to bubble.. hahaha.. intentionally and accidentally.” Base from the first definition of the word, my student refers to the bubbles I produced from my mouth out of the saliva that accumulates while I’m having my class. Well, most teachers have the same experience I have too. Though it doesn’t happen most of the times but when it happens I make sure no one will be hit by hales that comes out of it. And often times, to play around with the situation, I would tell my students in the front row to open their umbrellas for my mouth is producing rainshowers. That statement will cause a thunder of laughter from my class. Conscious, I am, I would just shrug my shoulders and cover my mouth with my hand and chuckle. Then my class resumes after that.

Definition number (2) says “resembling bubbles” as it is used in the phrase “big, bubbly clouds”. Oh well, that definition points to the physical appearance of the clouds rounded as bubbles. My student may also mean my bubbling physical appearance in such that describing my rounded face like bubbles engraved to make the eyes, nose, and mouth. She may also be describing my bubbling tummy that bounces up and down while run upstairs after each class from one school after another.

Definition number (3) says “full of high spirits, effervescent” as used in “bright, bubbly children”. The third definition I guess suits me better. Well, I can say, I am “bubbly” if we based it on this definition. Although I don’t look like a child anymore (in appearance, well, no one will ever believe me if I say I am, hehehe) but my “energy” is more than that of a five year old, restless, non-stop, importunate child who would always like to talk, move, and talk again, and run, and talk again.

Thanks to my students for letting me know one word that would describe me in three ways: my funny side, my physical aspect, and my character.

Obrang Kathang Isip

Hangin kang nagmula sa kawalan
Apoy kang may alab ng kapusukan
Tubig kang pag-asa ang daluyan
Lupa kang bawat buhay ay pinagmulan.

Bituin kang nagniningning sa kalangitan,
Buwan kang may sinag ng kagandahan,
Araw kang may sikat na nagpaparamdam,
Panaginip kang hind imaging totoo kelanman.

Pangalan mo’y musika sa aking pandinig,
Tinig mo’y kasing lamyos ng tubig,
Larawan mo’y mga titik ng isang awit,
Alaala mo’y kasing linaw ng batis,

Ngunit paanu kita mahahawakan?
Paanu kita mapagsisilbihan?
Paano ka ba mamumuhay sa katotohanan?
Kung ang iyong katauhan ay isang kathang isip lamang.

Salimpusa

Kelan mo ba matatawag ang isang tao na pag-aari mo?
Sapat na ba na ikaw ay mahal niya at siya’y mahal mo?
O kung ikaw ay mahal niya ngunit iba ang tinitibok ng iyong dibdib mo?
O kung siya’y mahal mo ngunit iba ang nagmamay-ari ng kanyang puso?

Ano ba ang basehan ng iyong pagmamay-ari?
Siya ba ay nadiyan sa iyong tabi parati?
Siya ba ang nagpupunas ng luha mo tuwing ikaw’y umiiyak?
O baka naman siya ang dahilan kung bakit ang luha mo’y pumatak?

Bakit kailangan nating ariin ang isang tao?
Dahil kailangan natin ng tagapagtanggol tuwing may nanunukso?
Kailangan natin ng matatawag tuwing tatalikod ang buong mundo.
O dahil kailangan natin ng masasandalang espiritu…

Ngunit paano kung sa dinami-dami ng nagmamahal sa’yo wala ni isa sa kanilang masasabi mong iyo?
Pano kung lahat sila may nagmamay-ari na ng kani-kanilang puso?
Paano kung ang kaya lang nilang ibigay ay ang sandaling hindi sapat na pumawi ng iyong uhaw?
Paano kung ang tingin sa iyong larawan ay isa ka lang salimpusang ligaw?

Happy I Am

Happy I am who always hopes to be with someone special.
Happy I am who always learns to make someone special.
Happy I am who always looks after what’s best for someone special.
Happy I am who always tries to see the good side of someone special.

Happy am I, if someone special will frustrate me many times?
Happy am I, if someone special is with someone else’s side?
Happy am I, if someone special doesn’t care about how I feel?
Happy am I, if someone special doesn’t let me feel my importance?

Happy I am who always understands the situation we’ve been through.
Happy I am though sometimes things aren’t true.
Happy I am seeing someone special is happy too.
Happy I am who always has the patience to make life move.

Contact Lenses

This morning while I was waiting for the jeepney going to my workplace, I saw a woman approaching. I knew the woman. She is one of the mothers in the neighborhood. She and her family lived a very simple life. Well, almost all of the people in our locality live a very simple life. People would only think of their everyday meal.
In the morning they will sip a cup of coffee in their courtyard. The fathers will feed the chickens and the mothers will cook the family’s morning meal. The morning meal is usually eaten between eight and ten in the morning. Because they don’t have superiors to remember, they would just follow their own orders.

After lunch, they will take a mid afternoon nap. They will gather the chicken in pens. Then they will wait for the evening news. But the evening news won’t make them excite. The drama series will make their night more meaningful. They will spend the whole night watching and shed tears for the unrealistic overly acted drama series. But that will end up their day satisfied.

How funny it is to see how dull their life is. How stressful it is to see them doing nothing to improve their social status in life. How sad it is to think that the stories they see on the television series are their only escape from life’s misery.
The woman I saw came closer to me and she told me, “You look like a foreigner.” I smiled and make a shrug of shoulders. Then she added, “ You look better than the last time I saw you. In fact you look better and better every time I see you. ” I was flattered by the statements. But I need to ask her why. Then she explains to me in a question, “Why is the color of your eyes different from us? Is that really the color of your eyes?” then I answered her laughing, “No. I’m actually wearing contact lenses.”

Then she replied in an astonishing voice, “Contact lenses? What s that and what is that for?” Ashamed, I told her, “For some its just fashion. In my case, its for me to be able to see clearly.” Then she asked me how do I put in those contact lenses in my eyes.

I didn’t know what and how did I answered her question. But there is one thing that stuck in my mind. That is the statement, how pity these woman is. She lives backwardly in the midst of the contemporary technology.

Ups and Downs : A Roller Coaster Ride

I passed the Infante Flyover this morning. This structure opened in 2008 and it was stormed with so many comments. That, the structure was not built to last over the years. And that there were even delays in its construction. So far after couple of years of using the structure it did suit its purpose. The traffic in the intersection did lessen. Though most of the motorists that passes the flyover are private vehicles.

After 2 minute ride in the jeepney, I was surprised to notice that we are heading up again. When I looked outside the jeepney window, I realized that another Iloilo's flyover is opened to the motorists to pass by. That means, this morning alone I had passed two ups and downs in a matter of two minutes. A very short period if we are going to consider it. And the flight of going up and down the skyway is like the reverse movement of a seagull catching its sea prey.

Well, I like my trip this morning. It reminds me of my childhood days enjoying my roller coaster experience. Anyway, this happens only in Iloilo City.

The New Face of an Ati

On Sunday of June 20, 2010, I was awakened by the sound of Isabela and Paolo's What Dreams are Made of, my alarm tune. It was 6:00 in the morning. I rushed to fix myself because I had to catch up an early jeepney ride and be at our meeting place before 8:00 a.m. My house is one hour away from the meeting place. Due to traffic and some trouble in my travel, I arrived past eight in the morning. Yet, we still have to wait for some company coming.

It was nearly nine when we started inching our way to the place where we should go. At first, I was hesitant to go there because I will be meeting people of the past - the Ati. Ati, they are the early settlers of the Panay Island, Visayas, Philippines. They were one of the many tribes that inhabited the archipelago that created an early Ma-i civilization before the famous Ten Bornean Datus. colonized the island. They were one of the Negrito ethnic groups which were close to the Aetas of Luzon, Batak of Palawan, and Mamanwa of Mindanao. They were considered to be the aboriginals or "first inhabitants" of the Philippine archipelago.

While on my way, I was thinking of what the place would look like. Though I was raised in a rural area but we seldom see people like an Ati. Or shall I say, we have used them as our object of fear for young children. Our elders would often tell the toddlers to be good or esle they will be sent to the maountains and live with the Ati. The Ati settled in the hills during the time of the Ten Bornean Datus who started bartered their Golden Salakot (head dress) and the golden long necklace from the Ati headman Plopolan and his son Marikudo. Thus, from then on they stayed n the uplands and some of them became, nomadic in thier own land.

From Iloilo City, we dropped at Dingle town proper to hire either a tricycle or a single motorcycle to bring us to the area settlement of the Ati. From Dingle town proper, we travelled as much as thirty to forty minutes to reach the foot of the mountainous area where we need to walk up the hillto reach the place. But the trek going up is harder than we imagined. Despite of the sun rays striking our skin, we reached the hillside where the place of Ati is located with flying colors.

But the challenge did not end in reaching the place. The community of these indegenous people is even more challenging. I was struck seeing them in dim colors and curly hair; although, I can see many of them in the lowlands. But it was still different to see them up close and personal in thier own place where they extend thier arms for formal handshake to visitors unlike in the lowlands where they have to extend their hand to beg. I can see dignity in the gesture of these people from these place.

Thier pastor leader brought us to thier community church and allowed us to take some air to breathe for they knew almost all of us were strangulated to climb up the hill. But it was not long enough when we see a pack of children with their parents approaching the church area. Some of our company welcomed the children inside and let them took seats; while some of my company have to prepare the school supplies to distribute to the school children. Afterall, our main purpose of going there was to share school supplies to school children as our way of delivering the advocacy of the organization. Though some of the company prepared the weighing apparatus to check for childrens nutrition, while others are busy doing relevant things which I could hardly recognize because I had the chance to talk to the pastor leader himself.

We took the bamboo bench at the side of the hill and I started conversing with him. He has three children. The eldest is a first year college student taking school in Iloilo City. The second is a secondary student. And the third is a five year old boy. His wife is his aid in their household while he seeks for their everyday living. He and his community's means of living depends on the available resources nearby such as sugarcane planting and harvesting, root crops growing, rice harvesting, firewood chopping and among others. Yet, they dont own that livelihood. They just have to get their working share from the property owner; a sad truth to reveal that the government only provide the the place to stay but not the livelihood to work for their living.

Yet, I can see contentment in the Pastor's eyes when he said that their place is safe from insurgencies. Good thing, they get to have a nice sleep at night without the worries to hear roaring guns. but their silence is deafening that until this period they dont have the electricity supply. While we enjoy the night life in the city with the dancing lights and danceable sounds of the music, they are contented with listening to the transistor radios and kerosene lamps to ignite their nights. When I looked down the hillside, I saw an electric post three meters away from where we sat. Then the pastor told me that sooner or later, they will have an electricity supply. In fact, he keeps himself a cellular phone for himself to get in touch with the people inn their local government.

Good thing the local government gives them support in a way as much as the help extended to them by some private sectors. Their church was indeed bulit by the Korean missionaries who visit their place regularly. Thus, their place isnt remote at all. They also keep pace with the changing world. The same change also happened to one girl I saw who has a straight hair. I asked who her mother is and she told me her mother isn't an Ati; rather a city girl who happened to marry an Ati bachelor.

As I looked closely at the children running to and fro, I saw some of them are different from the others. While some children have curly hairs; some have bulky to straight hair. While some have big, flat nose; some have long pointed nose. While some have dirty, black skin; some have faded brown to fair skin. While some have short, stout legs; some have thin, long legs. While some children are shy and timid; some are extrovert and inquisitive.

My curiosity about this group of people made me realize that they were not the same black native pygmies we used to see in the city streets. Rather they are hospitable early people who would welcome anyone to their place. Isn't it that the early people were that cordial enough to strangers that end up to be their colonizers? These people in their community lived a simple yet dignified life. They are the people who belong to a minority group which sometimes become the buffer the politicians for their political interests. They are supposed to be the people who will be brave enough to fight for their existence for afterall this land was theirs. Yet, they don't ask for their property anymore. They know it would be impossible for them to get back what was theirs . Rather they opt to choose to live a normal life like that of a normal Filipino in the lowlands.They also want to be educated and know their purpose in life. They are now trying to catch up with the trend of the new generation. They even try to be modernized in their way of living.

After all, some of these people are no longer authentic pure blooded Ati. Some of them, they call themselves Kalibugan- The New Face of an Ati.

Thanksto the Omnibus Brotherhood for taking me there!

Ligaw na Kaluluwa

Panu ka pa ba aasa kung wala nang buhay?

San ka huhugot ng lakas kung wala ka nang bukas?

Bakit ka pa kikilos kung wala ka namang patutunguhan?

Wala na. Lahat ay panaginip na lamang.

Tama na. Lahat ay pangarap na lamang.

Tapos na. Ang telon ay bumaba na.

Drayber

Ang buhay ay isang byahe sa jeep.

Minsan malayo, minsan malapit lang. Minsan mahirap, minsan naman madali lang.

Bawat pasahero may kanya-kanyang ginagawa. May nagkukwentuhan at may nagtitinginan lang.

Yung iba nagtitext. Yung iba nakikinig ng music. Yung iba nagmamatyag lang.

May umaakyat at may bumababa.

At sa bawat preno ng jeep lahat napapatingin kung sino ang aalis at darating. At sa bawat lubak na madadaraanan, lahat napapakapit ng mahigpit sa hawakan.

At lahat may destinasyong pupuntahan.

Ang buhay ko parang biyahe sa jeep. At sa byahe ko sisiguraduhin kong ako ang tsuper at hindi lang pasahero.

Cake

Kahapon nagcelebrate ako ng birthday ko.

Masaya na malungkot.

Masaya kasi may bumati ng kusa. Yung iba tumawag pa. Me mga tunay na kaibigan na nagbigay ng konting salu-salo. Meron din namang nagbigay ng konting pag-asa.

Malungkot kasi may mga nagtext pero kinalimutan ang araw kong iyon. Kelangan ko pang ipaalala sa kanila. Yung iba sinabihan na nga ayaw pang maniwala. Yung iba humihingi ng blowout, kaso wala akong sapat na pera. At me mga nagalit pa yata.

Sa pagtapos ng araw, umuwi na ako sa bahay. Bubungad pa lang ako sa pinto, tumakbo palapit ang aking magtatatlong taong pamangkin. Naghihintay na pala sa akin. tinitingnan kung may cake akong bibit.

Duon ko lang naalala ang isang pangako. Sa sobrang pilit kong maging normal ang araw na iyon at sa sobrang hanap ng mga bagay na makakapagpaligaya sa akin , nakalimutan ko palang may mga taong tunay na nagmamahal sa akin. Sila ang mga taong iniiwan ko sa umaga at binabalikan mo sa gabi. Ang aking Pamilya. Masyado kong inisip ang kaligayahan ko. Nakalimutan kong ang kaligayahan ko pala ay makita ko silang masaya. At makita ang tuwa sa mukha ng isang munting bata.

Birthday

Panu ba maging masaya kung may bigat kang dinadala?

Panu ba makikita ang ngiti sa mata kung masama ka sa tingin ng iba?

Panu ba malalasahan ng tuwa ang iyong mga labi kung sinasabi ng iba’y gago ka?

Panu ba maaaninag ang galak sa iyong mukha kung wala ka nang mukhang ihaharap sa kanila?

Panu ba umibig muli kung ang puso mo ay durog na?

Panu ka pa ba mabubuong muli kung ang pagkatao mo’y wasak na?


Kaya ang araw na ito ay espesyal para sa akin…Ito ang araw ng aking kapanganakan at araw ng aking kamatayan…

Bida

Ang buhay ay isang pelikula…

Bawat tauhan ay isa-isang ipinakikilala…

Bawat isa may ginagampanang mahalaga…

May bida at may mga karamay siya…

Merong kontrabida at kasabwat niya…

Sa tuwing nag-aaway ang bida at ang kontrabida, kadalasan kawawa ang nauuna…

Pero hindi dun nagtatapos ang storya…

Magpapakasaya pa ang kontrabida habang naghahanda ang bida ng paghihiganti niya…

At sa kanyang pagbabalik pababagsakin niya ang antagonista…

Lalasapin niya ang tagumpay na nakamtan ngunit makokonsensya siya…

Dahil hindi gaya ng kontrabida my puso ang bida…

Patatawarin pa rin niya ang nagpahirap sa kanya…

Ang buhay ko, parang isang pelikula…
At sa pelikulang ito, sinisiguro kong ako ang bida…

ESKAPO

Nitong lingo, maraming nangyari sa kin. Maraming mga bagay akong natutunan. Pero masyadong boring. Kakainis na nakakbagot. Pero sobrang challenging. Sumabak kasi ako sa isang training, refresher course in programming. Ang ending, narealize ko na hindi pala refresher course ang kailangan ko. Kundi isang intensive training on hard coding. In short, hirap na hirap akong tapusin lahat nang mga test cases na inasign sa amin. Pero magkagayun pa man, hindi lang ako ang nahirapan. Mga classmates ko din pala.

Kaya’t para makatakas pansamantala sa hirap at dusa ng training, nagpasya akong lisanin ang Iloilo at lumarga patungong Roxas City.

Tinex ko ang kaibigan ko sa Roxas City na pupunta ako for a night. Si Abnoy. Wala lang. Magnanight out lang. Gusto ko lang makakakita ng mga bagong mukha. Gusto ko lang makahanap ng bagong adventure at bagong istorya. Nagpaunlak naman sa akin si Abnoy. Pero sabi niya hanggang night out lang kami dahil hahanapin siya sa kanila. Okey lang naman sa akin eh. Di naman niya kelangang samahan ako the whole night.

Pagdating ko nang Roxas City bandang alas singko y medya ng hapon, tumuloy ako kaagad sa hotel. Maliit na room. Okey lang. ako lang naman mag isa eh. Mainit ang room. Okey lang. Tight ang budget eh. Walang TV. Okey lang. hindi naman ako magbababad sa loob eh. Me maayos at safe lang akong matutulugan, solve na ako.

Dahil pagod ako sa biyahe, napaidlip ako ng hindi ko namamalayan. Wala ng araw ng magising ako dahil sa katok sa pinto ng aking room. Si Abnoy pala. At may bitbit na pagkaing pinadala ng nanay niya para me makain ako for dinner. Habang kumakain ako, nagkukuwento siya ng kung anu-ano. Buhay, pag-ibig, trabaho, kalokohan. Lahat na lang ng pwedeng mapag-usapan.

Mga bandang alas otso ng gabi, umalis siya para sunduin ang “asawa” niya mula sa trabaho. Kaya may oras ako para i-go-over ang mga tasks ko sa mga assignments ko. Bandang alas diyes na ng gabi nang magtext sa akin si Abnoy para magnight out. Kaya nag-ayos na rin ako para makaalis na pagdumating siya para sunduin ako.

Buhay na buhay naman pala ang night life sa Roxas City eh. Nagvideoke muna kami. Siyempre kinanta ko ang aking dalawang masterpieces – Photograph ni Ariel Rivera at Each Day with You ni Martin Nievera. Nag-inuman kami ng konti. Saka kami lumipat ng place for disco with live band. Duon nakilala ko ang mga kasamahan niya sa trabaho.

Dati akala ko sa movies lang meron nila. Akala ko theory lang sila. Pero hindi, totoo sila. Sila ni Abnoy ang mga kasamahan niya, mga Dance Instructors. In short DI. Oo DI sila at ang dalawa sa kanila may bitbit na dalawang lola. Sila lola mga 50’s na pero nakikipagsabayan pa rin sa mga DIs. In short mukha silang matrona. Pero don’t care at deadma lang ang drama nila.

Biglang may nag-aya ke Abnoy na isayaw siya. Pinagbigyan naman siya. At ang galing palang sumayaw ng kaibigan ko ha? Hindi mukhang bading, pero pag sumayaw; may kembot ang bawat galaw.

Ako? Sa tabi lang hindi naman ako magaling sumayaw eh. Paminsan-minsang nilalapitan ng mga kaibigan at kasamahan ni Abnoy para kausapin at ayaing sumayaw. Wala naman akong pakialam kung hindi nila ako kakausapin eh. Basta ako masaya sa pag-indak sa saliw ng musika ng buhay na banda.

Me ale pang pawisan na at halos labas na ang kaluluwa pero sige pa rin ng sige hataw kasama ang mga DIs. Lahat na yata ng mata at atensyon nasa kanya na eh. Ay naku, si ale nagmumurang kamatis. E ano naman ngayon? Nag-eenjoy lang amg lola mo eh. Bakit ba? Na-eenjoy lang si murat eh.

Bandang alas dos na nang magpasya kaming umuwi. Antok at pagod na rin ako. Nagpahatid na lang ako ke Abnoy sa hotel pagkatapos namin magkape.

Bago ako natulog napaisip ako habang nakahiga. Tapos na ang maligayang gabi ko. Bukas isang panibagong umaga na naman. Isang simula ng bagong araw. Isang simula ng bagong lingo. Isang pagbabalik sa nakaraan---ang normal kong buhay. Normal kong buhay na punung-puno ng hamon. Hamon na sumusubok sa aking katatagan bilang tao at bilang isang guro sa kolehiyo. Bilang indibidual. Bilang isang anak. Bilang isang ama (ng mga estudyante ko syempre, dahil virgin pa po ako!) Bilang isang kaibigan. Bilang isang mag-aaral.

Ahhh… Tapos na ang aking gabi, masaya at nakakatwang gabi…tapos na ang aking pag ESKAPO.

FLUSH

Bakit kaya ganun? Alam ko di dapat pero ito ang aking nararamdaman…

Nananabik ako sa’yo, kagaya ng pananabik ng langgam sa asukal. Gusto kitang halikan, kagaya ng paghalik ng langaw sa tae. Gusto kitang hawakan kasing higpit ng kuko ng agila sa unggoy. Gusto kitang yapusin, kasing swabe ng yapos ng sawa sa kahoy ng karunungan. Gusto kong ingudngod ang mukha ko sa’yo gaya ng ginagawa ng baboy sa dumi nito. Gusto kong ialay ang sarili ko sa’yo kagaya ng pag-alay ng kalabaw ng kanyang sarili sa putikan. Gusto kong maramdaman mo ang alab ng aking katawan gaya ng init na pinadadama ng tubig sa kutsara tuwing ako nagkakape.

Para kang kuto, hindi maalis sa ulo ko. Para kang libag, ayaw matanggal sa katawan ko. Para kang kulugo, araw araw tumutubo, bumabalikbalik.

Mabuti pa ang BO, ligo lang ang katapat. Mabuti pa bad breath “swish” lang ang sagot. Mabuti pa ang balakubak gaas lang remedyo.

Hirap na ako sa aking nararamdaman. Kasing hirap ng molds tanggalin sa pagitan ng dalawang tiles ng CR namin. Kasi ingrone ka na kay hirap kutkutin at masakit kunin. Ngunit kailangan para na rin sa aking kaginhawaan.

Ano ba ang madaling solusyon para ika’y tuluyan ng mawala sa isip ko? Sana tae ka na lang, para pagFLUSH ko wala ka na sa pananaw ko.

BODY EXTRACTS

Sana nanggaling ako sa’yo para masabi kong inaangkin mo na ako…

Sana laway mo’ko, mahulog man pilit mo pa ring saluhin…
Sana pawis mo’ko, mapunas man masisinghot mo rin…
Sana ihi mo’ko, mailabas mo man maamoy mo pa rin…
Sana utot mo’ko, idedeny mo man ginhawa pa rin ang dulot ko…
Sana luha mo’ko, papahirin mo man mananatili ako sa alaala mo…
Sana uhog mo’ko, tumatakas na nga pinababalik mo pa…
Sana muta mo’ko, pilit mo mang tanggalin minsay may naiiwan pa rin…
Sana kulangot mo’ko, hindi mo malalaman ang amoy pag di mo natatanggal…
Sana tutule mo’ko, tuwing kinakalikot mo nasasarapan ka…
Sana tae mo’ko, itakwil mo man sigurado ako lilingunin mo pa rin…

TURNING POINT

I was stuck in the middle of a crossroad these past few weeks. I thought I will make the most significant turning point in my life. Again. Last year of this same month, I was officially kicked out from the school where I used to work for three semesters. This year the sister school of that school is trying to convince to apply for a very important job. Teaching. Teaching hardware and software subjects. Unfortunately, I don’t know what to do and I don’t know what to expect. I know the Human Resource Personnel Supervisor, the School Director himself, and the OIC Dean herself. They know me well, too.

How did I say, I am in a crossroad? Well, let me tell you this. When I was kicked out from Abraham School last year, three schools picked me up. One electronic school, one aeronautics school, and one business school. My schedule is always divided into three. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I render my service to the business school. Every Tuesday and Thursday, I give my service to the aeronautics school. Every Saturday, I render my service to the electronic school. Things were not that easy but everything’s doing fine. Every school has its own schedule that would fit in every moment at a proper setting. If I get too busy in one school the others were not. It seems that the three schools are working hand in hand in my convenience. Hence, I was very happy.

Things were alright then. But this Father School which were trying to get my service this year was very insistent. Though the HR supervisor would tell me that they are suppose to hire me as full time instructor, I kept on telling her too that I will still get part time job for the electronic school. In that, I will be willing to give up the two others but not the electronic school.

During the teaching demonstration, I prepare a very short lesson to discuss. Short enough to prove my worth to be hired. Short enough, but the School Director didn’t mind to listen and allow me to finish. He stopped my discussion and asked questions. After answering those questions that deals with educational attainment, experience and expertise, he then told me that they are more than willing to hire me; to hire me as full time instructor. I said yes, I am more than willing to render my full time service too.

But he told me that the “full time” they mean talks about the service that is only with them. There should be no other part time jobs. So that means I have to drop all the three schools. I said no; that could not be. In fact, I am under training that time and the electronics school paid for my expenses making me bound to them for five months.

There was exchange of statements at that time. I don’t have anything against them or the school either. With due respect to them, I applied because they need teachers. In short, I am not looking for a job that time; it’s the job that is “haunting” me. From my end, I am willing to render my full-time service with them. But I am not opt for leaving the electronics school. I can drop the two other schools for the sake of their school. But, again, not the electronics school. Call it unfair, unethical and unprofessional to teach on two different schools with the same course offering and on the same umbrella organization with their two heads being the president and the vice president, I don’t care. For as long as I know I am doing my job as a teacher and not as a marketer of the school, I won’t give a damn care.

The reason is simple. I am just just making a place in that school and at the same time taking a chance. It’s not me to decide to leave the electronics school. It is the choice of the administration of the Father school if they want to hire me as full-time instructor but they will not hinder me to render my service to the electronics school; though they try to bribe me with a higher pay. Well, who doesn’t want to have a higher pay, right? I am interested. That is why I accept the challenge of appealing to render my full time service with them. But I just don’t want to get rid the electronics school in my life.
Not because of money, not for the matter of security. It’s more than that. They trust me more than I could ever think.

ANGHEL DE LA GUARDIA

Pag malungkot ka, text ka lang. pasasayahin kita.

Pagnababagot ka, kol ka lang.Pagtitiyagaan kita.

Pag naiinis ka, online ka lang sa Facebook. Papawiin ko ang inis mo.

Pagnagagalit ka, magfriendster ka lang. Anjan lang ako.

Kung pakiramdam mo na nauupos ka na, ibigay mo lang sa akin ang twitter account mo.

At ihuhubug kita muli.

Kung sa palagay mo unti-unti ka nang naaagnas, YM tayo. Subukan kitang buuin muli.

Kung iniisip mong iniwan ka na nang mundo MSN mo lang ako, hindi ko papayagang magpatiwakal ka.

Wag kang mag-alala. Isang blogpost mo lang ako.

Wag kang mangamba. Iwordpress lang ako.

Wag ka nang mag-alinlangan pa, hindi ka nag-iisa.

Dahil ako, ako ang iyong ANGHEL de la GUARDIA.

IKAW ANG LANGIT KO

Sa tuwing tinitingnan ko ang cellphone ko, pangalan no ang nais kong makita. Hinihintay ko kung may text ka. Parati kong chinicheck baka nagmiskol ka. Pero madalas wala. O di kaya, ibang tao pala.

Bakit kaya ganun? Gusto kitang itext pero pinipigilan ko sarili ko. Wag baka masyado na akong distorbo. Pero gusto ko lang naman sanang malaman kung ano ang nangyayari sa iyo eh. Kung nag-iisa ka lang. o kung nalulungkot ka. O kung nababagot ka. O baka gusto mo lang ng katext sa mga oras na iyon. O baka gusto mo lang na may makakausap ka sa panahong iyon.
Hay buhay, mahirap ang malayo sa isa’t isa. Pero higit na masakit ‘yong alam mong hindi mo siya pag-aari ng buong-buo. Pero magkaganun pa man, sa tuwing magtext ka, masaya na ako. Sa tuwing makokol ka, maligaya na ako. Dahil para sa akin, IKAW ang LANGIT ko.

MISS

Hindi ko siya pag-aari. Pero nami-miss ko siya. Bawat minuto, naiisip ko siya. Bawat galaw ko, nasa isip kita. Bakit nga ba? Siguro nga mahal kita. Ngunit alam kong imposibleng mangyari yon. Dahil may mahal ka nang iba.

Alam kong mahal na mahal mo siya. Alam kong hindi mo kayang mahalin ang isang tulad ko. Alam kong hindi ko kayang tumbasan ang pagmamahalan ninyong dalawa. Naiinggit ako, oo. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagmamahalan ninyo.

Bakit nga ba mahal kita? Bakit nga ba hinayaan ko ang sarili kong mahalin ka? Bawat oras iniisip ko n asana naalala mo rin ako kahit papano. Sana ako na lang ang mahal mo. Sana ako na lang ang minahal mo.

Bawat taong nakikita ko naiisip ko, ikaw! Bawat taong nguningiti nakikita ko, ikaw! Bawat taong bumabati sa akin, panalangin ko sana ikaw! Pero hindi. Hindi. Lahat sila ibang tao. Hindi ikaw, dahil nandun ka sa mahal mo….

Sa bawat araw na ginawa Nng Diyos, ikaw at ikaw lang ang nasa isip ko. Ang nasa puso ko. At nasa pagkatao ko.

Miss na miss na kita…

Pero ako lang…

PAGHIHINTAY

Alas singko y medya ng hapon na. Wala pa rin akong balak umuwi. Kahit tapos na ang first day of training namin. Kasi may hihintay pa akong kaibigan.

Sa aking tabi, namdang kaliwa, may dalawang magkakaibigan din. Bro, pre, meg, pare, tol, mga madalas na tawagan ng dalawang lalaking magkakaibigan.

Nakatawag ng pansin ko ang kanilang tawanan. Halakhakan. Sikuhan. Turuan. Tapikan ng balikat. Bulungan. Tinginan. At halos magkadikit na ang kanilang mukha habang nag-uusap. Sabi nga ni JLC, “soooooobbrangcheeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyyyyyy nilang dalawa”.
Pero ano ba ang trip nilang dalawa? Wala lang. pinagtatawanan lang nila ang bawat taong nakikita nila. Lahat na yata ng topiko napag-usapan na nila eh.

Naisip ko tuloy, ano ba ang dalawang to, adik? Hindi naman sila mukhang bading, pero bakit ang sweet nilang tingnan? Yung isa panay pa sulyap sa akin. Siguro iniisip niya ay kung ano ang sinusulat ko. O di kaya baka akala niya crush ko silang dalawa (yuck, may magagalit…). Tingin ko hindi pa sila lagpas bente. Naaalala ko tuloy ang aking kabataan.

Nung aking kabataan sobra akong matino. Sobra akong magalang. Sobra akong mapagmahal. Hindi ako nun madalas magskul dahil nagbobolakbol kami ng mga kaklase ko. Iniwan naming ang room pag fifteen minutes na wala pa ang teacher namin. Syempre ako ang promoter ng lahat. Sinigaw-sigawan ko lang naman ang supposedly humanities teacher (sana di niya ako makilala) ko dahil pinilit niya akong ilipat sa kabilang section dahil puno na ang klase niya. Nagwalkout lang naman ako sa classroom officers election namin ng nanalo akong President. E ayokong maging President, nagwalkout ako. Nang pinilit ako ng teacher-adviser namin, sinumbong ko kaya siya sa Dean namin. Ayun napagalitan siya. (Thanx ma’am, Mau. Sana naalala mo pa ako. Love mo ko eh.) Ganun ako nung aking kabataan. Isang napakagandang halimbawa sa mga kabataan ngayon!

In short, masaya, puno nga lang ng kalokohan. Ano kaya ang kinalolokohan ng dalawang batang lalaking ito? Pero feeling ko, may kakaiba sa kanila. Kung hindi sila nakadrugs pareho, malamang magjowa sila! Halos magyakapan na eh. Ganyan nab a talaga ang mga bata ngayon? Masyado ng agresibo?

Pero, hindi! Baka nakainom lang nang konti. Saying naman, may itsura pa naman sila pareho. Ang aga pa yata nilang lumandi kung nagkataon.


Hehehe…

Paglalakbay

Ito ang mga nilalaman ng puso ko. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong namaramdaman pagkatapos ng nangyari kahapon. Buti na lang may nagtext sakin kaninang umaga. Sabi niya,

You messed up yesterday. You said the wrong words, took the wrong turn, loved the wrong person, reacted the wrong way. You spoke when you should have listened, walked when you should have waited, judged when you should have trusted, indulged when you should have resisted. You messed yesterday. But you ‘ll messed up more if you let yesterday’s mistakes sabotage today’s attitude.

Today’s a new day. Live well. Have a great day!

Sabi ko sa sarili ko, panu nalaman ng co-teacher ko ang bigat na nararamdaman ko nung nakaraang gabi.Noong araw bago naging ngayon? Ngayong umaga nagising ako sa isang text message. Yun na nga ang message na iyon. Pero kahapon, ibang umaga ang gumising sa akin. Exciting na umaga.

Isang mainit na halik ng sikat ng araw ang gumising sa akin nuong sabadong yaon. Mainit ngunit malamlam pa. Dali-dali akong bumangon sa aking higaan at nag-ayos ng aking sarili. Araw yon kung saan pupunta ako sa birthday party ng baby ng isa sa mga students ko noon, si Maldita.

Pag kalipas ng dalawang oras nakita ko na ang sarili kong nakasakay sa bus patungo sa isang bayan ng Probinsiya ng Capiz. Saka ko bigla naalala ang isang kaibigan. Isang kaibigan na nakatira sa ibayong probinsiya. Isang kaibigan na naging confidant ko for a quite sometime. Tawagin natin siyang si Adik. Tinext ko siya. Sabi ko,

If I decide to head my way to Roxas City tonight instead of going home, will you be willing to spend the night with me?

Sounds like a pick up line, right? But it was intended for a very wholesome cause. Tapos, nag reply siya. It was a nice offer naman daw. Kaya lang ayaw niya magdisisyon nang agad agad. Well, alam ko namang hindi siya pupunta ng ganun-ganun na lang. Kasi dapat pa siyang magpaalam sa minamahal niya. Hindi ko na inalam ang dahilan dahil alam ko naman. Dapat nga hindi ko na sinabi sa kanya ang ganun eh. Bakit ko pa kasi siya inaya.

Pero sa part naman niya, nakita ko ang sincerity sa pagreject niya ng offer ko. Kaya may nireto siya sa akin na ipagmit para man lang may kasama ako kung saka-sakali. Ayoko ko nga sana nung una eh. Kaya lang, naconvince naman ako later kasi nagtext din sakin yong ibinigay niya. Tawagin na natin siyang si Abnoy. Madalang kung magtext si Abnoy. Kadalasan one word lang. minsan nga one letter lang eh. Para naman siyang nice. Kaya nagplan na ako na I’ll be staying for Roxas City overnight kasi may kasama na ako.

Nang dumating ako sa bayan nila Maldita mga bandang alas dose na. Nagkamustahan kami nung nanay, tatay, kapatid at ng kung sinu-sino pa. Para na rin nila kasi akong pamilya eh.

Alas dos na hapon na ako umalis sa bayan nila para sumakay ng bus papuntang Roxas City. Halong kaba at excitement ang naramdaman ko ng time na iyon. Although hindi iyon ang una kong papunta duon. Pero iyon ang unang pagkakataon kong mag night out duon. Habang sa bus ako eh, panay ang text ko sa ke Abnoy. Sa sampung text ko ata isa lang ang reply niya. Nang dumating ako ng Roxas City, dumiretso na ako sa isang mall kung san kami magkikita. Paikot-ikot ako dun habang tinitext ko si Abnoy. Mga ilang minutong pag-iikot ko ay napagpasyahan kong magpalamig sa isang paborito kong fast food.

Malapit ko nang maubos ang kinakain ko at malapit na ring malobat ang cp ko pero wala pa rin akong naaaninag na anino ni Abnoy. Maski man lang kaluluwa wala. Maski man lang text na isang letter, wala. Wala. Point blank. In short, naghihintay ako sa wala. Ang bait nga niya eh. Very silent siya. Mga isang oras at kalahati din ang aking katangahan bago ko narealize na kailangan ko nang magising sa katotohanan na inindian na ako ng kaibigan ng kaibigan ko. Ganun naman ang mga magkakaibigan di ba? Nag-iindianan. Kaya nagpasya na lang akong bumalik na sa kung saan ako nagmula. Alas singko na rin kasi ng hapon eh. Kelangan ko pang dumaan dun sa bayan ni Maldita para magpaalam. Saka ako babalik sa aking tinubuang lupa.

Nang nasa terminal na ako ng bus saka ko tinex si Adik. Sabi ko,

Pakisabi sa kaibigan mo, salamat sa pag-indian sa akin.

Nagulat rin ata si Adik kaya sinubukan niya din sigurong kontakin si Abnoy. Again, nakita ko naman ang sincerity ni Adik sa pagpatch ng nadiskaril na pagkikita. Kaya lang bago ko pa nareceive ang paliwanag ni Abnoy kung bakit hindi siya nakarating, kaalis lang nang bus na sinasakyan ko. Sinubukan naman niyang magpaliwanag. Natuwa naman ako kahit hindi ako sigurado sa mga paliwanag niya. Pero kahit paano masaya naman ako kasi nag-eeffort naman siyang magtext nang mahaba-haba dahil nagpapaliwanag siya. Paliwanag niya, nakatulog daw siya kaya hindi niya narinig mga tunog ng celpon niya ng tinitext ko.

Inaaya nila akong bumalik. Pero nakaalis na nga ang bus eh. Wala naman kami sa movie na kahit nakaalis na ang bida papatigilin ang bus dahil dumating ang prince charming niya. Tapos magyayakapan sila at magpapalakpakan ang mga taong nasa bus na binayaran ng tagbebente pesos para maging extra. E kaso, hindi ako bida. Ang totoo niyan pareho kaming bida sa sarili naming mga pelikula…ang totoong buhay…

Kaya tuloy-tuloy ako sa pagbabalik. Tinatawagan ako ni Adik at nakikipag-usap tungkol sa nangyari. Masama ang loob ko, oo. Sinungaling ako kung sasabihin kong hindi. Nagagalit ako, oo. Napakaplastic ko naman kung sasabihin kong okay lang sakin ang nangyari. At mas lalong hindi ko alam kong tooo ang paliwanag niya. Ang maliwanag lang sa akin, kelangan kong bumalik para kahit paano maibsan ang bigat kong nararamdaman.

Alas sais na nang marating ko ang bayan ni Maldita. Kumain lang ako sandali saka nagpaalam. Sumakay ako sa bus na daladala ang pagkaing pinadala nang nanay ni Maldita kasabay ng sama ng loob ke Abnoy.

Quarter to nine ako nakarating ng Iloilo City. Pero hindi pa dun ang bahay ko. Malayo pa ang bayan naming. Kinailangan kong humabol sa last trip. Sa kabutihang palad ang last trip ay eksaktong alas diyes umalis. At sa muli naghintay na naman ako ng halos isang oras. Alas onse na ang gabi ng marating ko ang bahay namin.

At dahil napakaswerte kong tao, brownout nang dumating ako. Gusto kong magpatiwakal para matapos na lahat ng kamalasan sa buhay ko. Kaya lang naisip ko, Kelangan ko pang isulat ang experience ko na ito…

Kaya ipinagpaliban ko na lang ang pagpapatiwakal sa ibang araw….

KADIRI

Ang buhay parang muta.
Minsan madikit, dahil kelangang kumapit sa mga taong naniniwala sa kakayahan mo.
Minsan maputik, dahil kelangan nating magkumpol-kumpol ng mga disisyon sa mga problemang buhol-buhol.
Minsan naman mamasa-masa, dahil kelangan ng mga luhang diligan ang mga pusong uhaw sa pagmamahal at mga natutuyong pangarap.
Minsan mabaho, dahil kelangan na tayong tumawag ng pansin ng iba.
Minsan naman patapun, dahil wala ng silbi ito. Kelangan ng tanggalin sa mata’t hindi na kapakipakinabang.
Maligayang paglalakbay ng kasuklam-suklam na buhay.
Kasabay ng mga muta mong kadiri man ay minsan nagpapaalala sa atin kung gaano dapat natin pahalagahan ang ating karindi-rinding buhay.